This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
