At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
