Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
