I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
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