you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
