You're a womanizer and a bitch.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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