the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
