Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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