im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
