Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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