he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
