i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
