I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
