Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
