How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
