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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
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