that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
