There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I'm like, not good at living.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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