Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
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