The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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