Plan B is the new Plan A
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
