That's intense
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
