man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
FUCK WHALES
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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