Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
