He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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