Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
