I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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