wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
