I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
