He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
