I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
cat food counts as protein by the way
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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