idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
