xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
