I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
