She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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