i was born a porn star she said
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
i've created a new STD.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
