A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
