You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
