just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
