How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize