His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
