the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
