Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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