where am i from again
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
