we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
