YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
