Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
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At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
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We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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