whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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