so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Are we still banned from the library?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
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