I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
