So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
