The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
The ass gains better be worth it
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