9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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