Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
