I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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