u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
