ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
