i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
