my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize