eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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