dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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