So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
