Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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