i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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