the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
