A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
