you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
