My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
